When my ex-wife told me she would be back in Iowa headlining a concert, there was no question in my mind that I'd attend. The date of the concert was on a weekend I was scheduled to work, but I could have easily signed up for PTO. But as the date approached, I never got around to doing that, or booking a motel, or buying tickets for the event.
I didn't go, is what I'm saying.
Sue Ellen was--presumably still is--a wonderful singer, and of all the things I miss about our time together, hearing her perform is high on the list. And yet, such was the nature of our relationship, even that was a point of contention. I thought she had the potential to turn pro, and pushed her to get more gigs and record. But she was ambivalent about performing, for reasons that I dismissed because...because...
Because I was an asshole?
Well, yeah. On the other hand, it wasn't just me, because she...Look, if I told you everything that went down between us, what we did to each other, you would most assuredly think much less of the both of us. Bu that's not the only thing in the mix. There were abundant good times, too, and even some of the shitty things we did ultimately gave us the tools to navigate the rest of our lives more successfully.
I haven't even been in the same room as her since the hearing at which my lawyer advised against eye contact, and as everything about this sentence tells you, it didn't end well. But we eventually reconnected over the phone--her safely in Maryland, me far away in Iowa--and we became friends all over again. We talked almost daily for awhile, and she was the person who encouraged me to start this very site.
We're good now, as good as can be, considering. But to actually see her again, even from a seat in the audience, in the town we once called home...there are about a hundred thousand ways I can see that scenario playing out, emotion-wise, and even the best possible outcome could only be described as melancholy.
Maybe we'll see each other again, some distant day in the future. Until then, the past is still in the past, and it probably needs to stay there.
