Monday, August 21, 2006


Maybe it's my recent bad experiences with Blogger, but I'm feeling more down on computer technology than ever lately.

No real reason, I guess. Sure, there are lots of good things about the web, and it could be used as an actual instrument for social change. (Could be, but usually isn't.) Most frequently it gets used as a medium for clever stunts, such as the online hype regarding Snakes On A Plane, which--surprise, surprise--failed to translate to actual box-office success. How could it, really? Internet geeks aren't going to waste time actually seeing the damn movie--they'd have to leave their computers.

For me, the internet represents a huge suckage of time. I'll think that I'll be on there for a few minutes, and the minutes turn into hours. (Fortunately my job does not involve computers, or my life would probably be even less productive.) And the types of information you can find on the web! Let's say, on a whim, you do a search to learn the exact size of F Troop star Forrest Tucker's famously large penis (and just typing those words makes me feel creepy), which will lead you to, among other things, the web site of Mamie Van Doren, the Grade Z starlet from the fifties who is apparently not dead, and will also lead you to YouTube, on which you can watch the opening of Forrest's mid-seventies Saturday morning crapfest, The Ghost Busters, which co-starred Larry Storch and which had production values roughly the equal of upscale porn. Well, The Ghost Busters was produced by Filmmation, the crappiest production house that supplied kiddie programming back in the day, but they did produce Jason Of Star Command, with Sid Haig, so naturally you have to go looking for that, and anything else you can find out about Sid, who was in a lot of Pam Grier movies, so hey, there should be lots of photos of Pam Grier naked, shouldn't there? Yes, there are, and oh, Christina Ricci as well, ah, this could take a while...

It's the type of thing that makes eating a frozen pizza while watching reruns of The People's Court seem dignified.