Saturday, November 17, 2012


Whenever possible, you're usually better off buying name brands, at least when it comes to, say, things you actually put in your body.  Other times. it's okay to go with the dollar store special.  Dish soap, for instance.  Does it foam up in water?  Yes?  Fine, I'll take it.

So I had less than a third of my Dollar Tree dish soap left before I even bothered looking at its label, and more to the point, its randomly-chosen brand name: First Force.  Huh, I thought.  Sounds less like a brand of soap than a cheapo eighties action movie.

Fair enough, but I can't just let it go.  I start to imagine a First Force movie in my head.  David Carradine would star--that seems obvious enough--but who else?  Steve James as Generic Black Guy, whose main job is to get kidnapped by the bad guys at some point so he can be rescued by our hero, because they were buddies in 'Nam.  Don "The Dragon" Wilson would be Martial Arts Guy, who does the action stuff Carradine's stunt double doesn't.  And the group's lone female?  My first thought was Cynthia Rothrock, but since we already have two actors associated with martial arts movies, maybe it should be a onetime mainstream actress who everyone thought would be a second-tier star, or at least have a healthy career.  Lisa Blount or Lisa Eichhorn, whichever one would be most likely to do a topless scene, since that's the only reason she's even along.  Then there's the Gary Busey question: Does he play a member of the titular Force--The Guy Who Gets Killed Early To Drum Up Sympathy--or is he Generic Bad Guy?  Probably Generic Bad Guy, because he could be someone else Carradine knew in 'Nam, but who went bad.

About the time I start speculating about who would've directed such a movie (Joseph Zito, no question), it suddenly occurs to me that I'm spending way too much time thinking about a bottle of dish detergent.  Maybe I should just stop shopping at Dollar Tree.