Wednesday, November 14, 2012


As much time as I sometimes spend here prattling on about all things Muppet related, you might expect me to have something to say about the sort-of-or-maybe-not sex scandal involving Elmo Muppeteer Kevin Clash.

The thing is, it's really too depressing to consider, especially since we don't know what actually happened, and probably never will.  Clash was initially accused of having an inappropriate sexual relationship with a minor, although the minor in question was 16, not, say, 10, and the unnamed accuser even admitted the relationship was consensual.  As a result, Clash lost his regular gig on Sesame Street, but only one day after the story broke, the accuser recanted his story, claiming he was of legal age when the whole thing started, but he'd apparently accepted a financial settlement from Clash, and neither side is talking, so who knows?

Still, it seems likely Clash's Muppet days are over, since an accusation is all that is needed to taint a reputation.  If online chatter is any indication, most people are creeped out not so much because Clash might have been getting it on with a minor as the age difference in general.  Even assuming the accuser was eighteen when the relationship started, Clash was in his mid-forties.

But as to that age difference, I say what about Bobby Goldsboro's touching relationship with an older woman, as explored in his profoundly not-good song Summer (The First Time)?  Society was okay with this sort of thing back in the early seventies, or so I must assume, because the song was a hit, and it sure as hell can't be because people thought it was any good.

If you find yourself wondering whether starting this post by referencing the whole Kevin Clash thing was basically just an excuse for me to post this song, hey, you may be right.  But seriously--what a horrible song.  "I told Billy Ray/In his red Chevrolet" may be the worst lyric of all time, or at least until Billy Joel came up with "Talking to Davy/Who's still in the Navy" a couple years later.

But aside from its basic awfulness (did I mention rhyming "julep" with "two lips"?), the worst thing about this song is that it forces me to imagine Bobby Goldsboro having sex.  We'll never know for sure what Kevin Clash actually did.  But the very notion of Bobby Goldsboro banging hot older chicks?  That is a crime.