Friday, June 09, 2006


My car was in the shop yesterday, and I was waiting for it. Swear to God, that's the only way I would ever have been watching Today. Matt Lauer was, as near as I could tell, jizzing his well-tailored pants, so excited was he about the death of Abu Musab al-Zarqawi. "This couldn't have come at a better time for the Bush administration," he breathlessly informed us, "which in recent days has been reeling from the news of the alleged massacre of civilians by American forces in Haditha."

Say, Matt, you're right. It couldn't have come at a better time. Almost like, I don't know, it was planned that way.

Those dots, Matt--do you see them? Can you connect them? Can you see where they lead?

Do you understand that when you say "alleged" massacre, even though there's no longer any question about what happened, and "of civilians" as opposed to saying "of children and grandparents," you are softening the story, playing into the hands of the administration, doing their work for them? Does this bother you, or are you such a tool that you still are able to convince yourself you're a journalist, even when giving air time (and thus, respectabilty) to Ann Coulter?

Oh, one other thing, Matt--how do you get the jizz stains out of your pants?