It begins, as it has so many times before, with talk and touching, and it continues, who knows where?
Katie and I haven't known each other that long, but already we see each other nearly every day, always talking, hanging out, even doing laundry together. It doesn't get much more intimate than that.
She's great, I enjoy being with her, yet I confess a wariness to my pose.
Scroll back a year or so into the archives here, and read, scattered among all the anti-Bush screeds, of my infatuation with Tabbatha, of the great wonders and delights awaiting me when she and I moved in together, when we married, when I became a father. My life had finally acquired some faint patina of meaning.
So it seemed.
What ended that relationship? What ended my marriage? Are all my relationships destined to play out the same way? Do I somehow make these hesitations manifest, does the fear of failure result in failure?
But...I didn't expect my marriage to fail. I took the whole "for better or worse" thing seriously, but the fact that it all fell apart seems to have instilled in me a sense of impermanence. Nothing can be started that can't be ended, so really, why even start?
So where am I now? This feels different than it has before. Too soon to say if it's better or worse, just different. Which is good. I can't just go through the motions when I'm learning brand new steps.
