Friday, July 23, 2010


1) Another Random Thoughts post, another Larry King quote, only this one is entirely made up.  (Seriously, would YOU want to spend any more time than necessary browsing the USA Today archives, looking for relevant King-isms?)  I'm imagining Larry barking this line at his clinically-depressed wife, her entire body trembling as she shuffles off to fulfill yet another of Larry's demands, as he languishes by the pool, his tiny Speedos held in place by suspenders.

Right.  Let's move along, shall we, and never envision this scenario again...

2) Long-time readers (Are there any of you out there?  Hello?) may remember when this space was largely devoted to my misadventures in the dating world.  Whether it involved one-off encounters with would-be actors and hardcore masochists or enraptured odes to long-term relationships that died on the vine, I willingly spilled my guts here.

Hasn't been much of that lately, has there?  While I'd like to say it's because I've decided to keep my private life private, the sad fact is, there is no private life.  I had a particularly bad date a month or two ago, but aside from the former meth-head aspect, it wasn't interesting enough to recount here. 

Beyond that, upkeep on the house (which mostly consists of pulling crap out of the gutters and mowing the lawn, like, once a week) and playtime with the puppy keep me occupied.  Other than messy physical desires, I'm not missing being in a relationship at all.  But hey, that's what hookers are for!

3) Kidding about the hookers.  That was obvious, right?  Because you never know.  People have a bad tendency to key into the literal meaning of words without understanding tone and intent, and...*sighs*  This could turn into a lengthy screed about Obama and Fox News, you know.  And bear in mind, whenever talk turns to politics around here, Star Wars metaphors will be deployed, and no one wants that.  Though that reminds me...

4) ...I've been having a lot of Star Wars-based dreams lately.  You might think, "Well yeah, what's unusual about that, you go on about it all the time," but the thing is, I don't, really.  Sure, I like Star Wars, but I wouldn't say I'm really into it.  I've never read any of the zillions of tie-in novels or comic books, for instance.  And even back in '77, the double-LP soundtrack for the original (which was NOT then called A New Hope, thank you very much) came with a cool poster of the rebels attacking the Death Star...but I never even put it up on my wall.  I had posters from the '76 King Kong, and don't even ask me about my obsession at the age of 10 with Planet Of The Apes, but by the time I turned 12, the notion of displaying a poster from a movie I liked just seemed kind of geeky.  Just because I saw it five times that summer (no small feat when you live on a farm and the only theater in Iowa playing it was over an hour's drive away, which means convincing everyone in your family to take you at least once) doesn't mean that it changed my life or anything.  By that fall, I'd moved on to other obsessions.  When The Empire Strikes Back came out, I was barely interested in seeing it.

Of course, once I did see it...

5) Who am I kidding?  Ladies and germs, the greatest fucking piece of music ever written:

6) Finally, as all these posts end, with a critter update: Neurotic cats and exuberant puppies really don't mix.  But when they do, the results are very entertaining.