According to an article in today's New York Times, a growing shortage in the world's tuna supplies is forcing sushi chefs to consider alternatives, such as smoked duck and deer meat. What I want to know is, how will this shortage affect my ability to enjoy tuna casserole?
Man, I likes me some tuna casserole. No, I mean I really like tuna casserole. No, I know you think you know what I mean, but trust me, you have no idea. Tuna casserole is the greatest culinary creation since...well, ever.
Oh, you scoff. Sure, it's considered declasse, a staple of all self-non-respecting white trash households. And yeah, it's the standard housewarming meal for new residents of the Charterstone housing complex, as prepared by that dreaded meddling comic strip harridan, Mary Worth. And all right, it's TUNA FUCKING CASSEROLE! Go ahead, make fun.
So my tastes aren't that refined. Growing up, I ate lots of Spaghetti-Os and Little Debbie Swiss Cake Rolls. I preferred Potato Buds to homemade mashed potatoes. I could actually tell the difference between Swanson's and Banquet TV dinners, and had a preference.
Compared to that, tuna casserole seems classy. In the old days, Mom used Campbell's Cream of Celery soup, then poured a can full of water into the mix. It was less a casserole and more of a standard, kind of runny noodle dish, only--and I can't stress this enough--with tuna. Tuna!
Later, the mix was refined, baked in the oven in a proper casserole dish. Later still, Mom sprinkled breadcrumbs on the top. (This is important: Breadcrumbs. Not potato chips. Anybody who crumbles potato chips on tuna casserole is just wrong. And if they throw peas in...ugh. It's well-known fact in nature that peas and tuna don't mix. Like the Jets and the Sharks, only with less dancing.)
Paprika became part of the standard recipe after Mom saw Ed Grimley going on about it once (!), and there was some weird additional spice she added I never identified, but it took her already tuna-riffic creation into the stratosphere, taste-wise. She'd make bulk supplies of the stuff, and I'd take it back to my place, enjoying it at least twice a week.
Now that Mom's gone, I've had to figure out how to make tuna casserole all by myself. I've inherited her casserole dish, and God knows it's not the most challenging food to prepare, but somehow it's just not the same.
I still eat it, though.
