The Emmy nominations were announced, and once again, and for the last time, Lauren Graham didn't get nominated.
This is a crime, I tell you. Not because I've had a thing for her since that stupid sitcom Townies, which I used to actually watch just to wallow in my overwhelming desire to have carnal knowledge of her. No, it's not because of that. It's because of her skill as an actress. I respect her.
I mean, that karaoke scene on the penultimate episode of Gilmore Girls. Sure, it was hokily conceived, with her singing I Will Always Love You, first as a joke, then with heartbreaking sincerity as her one true love walked in, but god damn it, she turned it into a thing of beauty, hilarious and devastating and making me want to have sex with her all the more but that's totally irrelevant to the greatness of her performance.
Ahem.
In other Emmy news, what the hell? According To Jim got a nomination? Yep, for Best Cinematography. This is another category in which Gilmore Girls was shut out, even though simply turning a camera on Lauren Graham will result in images that will beguile the hearts and loins of many a stout lad, but...um, where was I?
Oh, right. Emmys. Studio 60 On The Sunset Strip somehow wound up with a passel of nominations, including John Goodman's why-bother appearance in a particularly dreadful two-parter and Eli Wallach's shameless turn as an old blacklistee--how the hell did these guys get nominated, when Lauren Graham, who managed to wring laughs from a somewhat humiliating guest starring role as herself, was overlooked?
What I'm trying to say is, Lauren, fire your agent. I'll represent you for free. In fact, I've got a script you might be interested in. You'd play my incredibly hot girlfriend--No, wait, listen, I know how that sounds, but you wouldn't just be playing "the girlfriend"--you'd be the central character. It would be all about you--well, us--and how we're both totally into Star Wars and MST3K, and we'd go to Marshall Crenshaw concerts and drink Guinness and...
Wait, where are you going? Is it the toe sucking scene? I thought it would be a fetish you'd totally be into, and...Come on, it's not that bad. At least it's better than Evan Almighty.
