A good evening, I thought. Katie, Paul and I went out to eat, then hung out for awhile. Katie wanted to get home and get together with a friend, and Paul and I messed around until his mom called and it was time for him to go home.
On my way home, my phone rang. Katie. "I'm feeling depressed," she said. "I don't feel well, but it's not just that. I feel like...It's like what you told me before. You feel like I'm pushing you away. And I'm not trying to do that, but..."
But?
"I know you've told me before about why you like hanging out with Paul, and yeah, he's great and all that. But...I feel like you're doing it just to get back together with his mom."
That's not going to happen, I said.
"How do you know that? How do you know she won't ask to get back with you? What would you say if she did?"
She...She wouldn't do that.
"But how do you know that?"
Because I know her. She's not...The reason we broke up is, she decided we just weren't meant to be. We weren't a couple. More friends than soulmates.
"What if she decides she was wrong?"
Why are you asking me all this?
"Because all the time you spend with Paul...Maybe I haven't been around as much as all that. I've never dated a guy who keeps spending time with his ex-girlfriend's kid. It's..."
What? It's what?
"I'm just not used to it."
Okay, well, fine. Maybe it's not the usual pattern. But look, I was serious enough about Tabbatha to want to marry her. And if I had, obviously, Paul would have become my own kid. Not by blood, but...by heart. He and I became as close as...well, father and son, I guess. So the relationship with his mom ends. My relationship with him didn't.
I mean, Tabbatha's great, but she's a single mom, and that means a certain lack of stability in Paul's life. It's important for him to know how much I care about him. As long as he wants me around, I intend to be there.
"See? You just said it. 'Tabbatha's great,' you said."
Because she is great. As a mom, which is what I was talking about. Stop reading ominous implications into everything I say.
"I can't help it. I feel like, if I let my guard down and let you actually get close to me...I'll get swept away, and I'll fall in love with you, and just when that happens, you'll go back to her."
If I were with you, I'd be with you. I can't put it any more clearly, or offer any proof of that beyond my words. But right now, we're not actually together, are we? We're...what?
"Dating..."
Yeah, but by this point, we should be--
"--able to say what our feelings are--"
--and we don't seem to be able to do that.
"I just don't know what to do next. I feel so sad, and I want someone to talk to."
Well, we're talking now.
"Not you! Someone else...Maybe...Do you think I should call my mother?"
I would give anything in the world to be able to call my mother when I'm depressed. Yes, I think you should do that.
Oh, and are we still on for tomorrow?
"I don't know. We'll talk..."
