Back from my brief vacation, two days in Iowa City. I'd actually forgotten how physically beautiful that town is, with it's tree-lined streets and loping hills, how calming it can be to walk the Ped Mall and watch the sprawl of humanity. And the food! Iowa City must have the greatest number of amazing restaurants for a town its size, though it must be said, since the menu at The Hamburg Inn no longer lists my beloved Hula Burger, that place is right off my radar.
Ghosts, unfortunately, accompanied me. Iowa City is where Sue Ellen and I had our first date, where I fell helplessly in love with her, where we lived when it all began to unravel. Every block, every storefront and restaurant seemed to carry some unwanted weight, to conjure some random vision of joyously giving in to wild abandon or a bitter public argument. As I walked, I found myself unable at times to separate the reality of my surroundings from my memories, and began to question if those memories were valid.
Was I ever truly as happy as I remember being? Am I blocking out the pain and petty resentments? Sure, the bad times happened, but do I tend to minimize them while waxing rhapsodic over the good things? Why does this marriage still seem like my best shot at happiness? How did I blow it? Why am I still haunted by its failure? Will I let that failure play out over and over again in all subsequent relationships? What's the deal with my attraction to bipolar redheads?
These questions I feared would follow me as I returned to my motel, and trouble my sleep. Fortunately, a stack of chocolate chip goodness from Cookies And More and a bottle of Westmalle Ale from John's Grocery reminded me that small, good comforts are as important as anything in life, and I slept well.
