See, this is where it all pays off. Checking the AP every morning for truly inane showbiz stories usually gets me nowhere, but once in awhile, magic happens. This headline says it all:
SINGER JOHN OATES VISITS HIS OLD PENN. HIGH SCHOOL
No, seriously, that headline says it all. There is absolutely no reason to read the story after that. It merely details the fact that John Oates did in fact visit his old school. Oh, well, it does clarify that he visited it as a "celebrity" instead of applying for a janitorial position, as one might assume considering the current status of Hall & Oates' career. (Are Hall & Oates even still together? Does anybody care?)
We also learned that Oates inspired the kids at the school by offering himself up as "living proof that you can go to North Penn High School and still go somewhere after that." If your definition of "going somewhere" involves being the swarthy, modestly talented second banana to an alarmingly-coiffed blonde prettyboy, then yes, Oates' words will stir your heart. Sure, back in the day, every high school student had that ambition, but these days, what with the fax machines and hula-hoops and whatnot, kids just don't see that as a career goal anymore, and I think we can all agree society is poorer for it.
Also, Oates sang a few numbers. The AP fails to report whether the assembled students pelted him with rocks and garbage.
