Lacking anything better to write about, I scrolled through the Entertainment News from Reuters and the AP, hoping to find some kind of show biz ephemera ripe for mocking.
"A-ha!" I thought as I read a story on Donny and Marie Osmond booking an extended run at the Flamingo Hotel in Vegas. "Donny and Marie's campy variety special from the seventies will be a swell excuse for a cheap clip job. I'll post some hideous production number, make some snotty comments and be done with it."
But wait! Bad as their show was, it wasn't the worst example of seventies variety shows. Why not something from The Brady Bunch Hour or The Paul Lynde Halloween Special or--dare I dream?--Hal Linden's Big Apple. Maybe something from Presenting Susan Anton or Fred Silverman's incredibly misguided The Big Show. Cheesewise, the possibilities seemed limitless!
Oh, YouTube, how you disappoint me! The clips I most wanted to share simply weren't available. Sure, I could go with yet another Lynda Carter clip, but I'd be faced with armed insurrection from much of my readership. And yeah, I briefly thought about bringing you a touching little number from Lindsay Wagner's 1977 special, but honestly, the pain was too much even for me.
Instead, here's a terrifyingly non-ironic seventies ad, full of singin', dancin' and existential miasma. The very premise--Life is good? Dreams come true? At K-Mart?--will take you through all five stages of grief in one minute flat. Enjoy. Or don't. Whichever works for you.
