Monday, October 20, 2008


You slap down your money at the ticket counter knowing full well you're going to have to sit through twenty minutes to a half hour of commercials and previews, and the movie advertised as starting at 7:15 won't actually begin unreeling until closer to 7:45. Bad enough when you're only wincing your way through overproduced Coke ads and trailers for Shia LaBeouf vehicles.

Then something like this comes on.

How to even process this? My extreme hatred for Kid Rock's crappy music and hipster cracker persona is only enhanced by the reactionary politics of this thing. ("If you ain't gonna fight/Get outta the way." As Mary Worth once said, "Sheesh!") But then--wait. What? Is he actually claiming he, Kid Rock, bazillionaire rock star, is some kind of fullblooded warrior? Because he...did a USO tour? Shouldn't any real-life members of the military, stuck on their fourth or fifth tour of duty, be allowed to kick this preening dipstick in the nads?

And,um...I'm sorry, and forgive my naivete and lack of understanding, but what the hell is the whole NASCAR angle? I mean, I can understand an overlap in the Kid Rock and NASCAR fanbases, but again, are they suggesting that Junior Earnhardt, by virtue of the fact that he gets paid big bucks for driving fast, is a hero on the level as Guard members in Iraq? That can't be the point, can it? Am I missing some complexity here?

On the other hand, at least the Guard is belatedly conceding that whole "one weekend a month" thing is a vague memory. Their ads used to be along the lines of "Join the Guard and do some training exercises and maybe get called up if there's a tornado in your home state or something," now they're pretty much admitting you're going to get sent overseas and wind up in the line of fire.

And worse, you'll be forced to endure Kid Rock concerts.