Hurrying off to work yesterday morning at 6:30 AM, dreading the day awaiting, I almost didn't notice the birds swooping and arcing and singing their morning songs.
This used to be my time of day. Weekends, especially Sundays, were days for getting up early and taking long walks, enjoying the birds and squirrels and occasional rabbits, noting the play of early morning light on the fine old Victorian houses in my neighborhood. After my walk I'd head somewhere for a leisurely breakfast, and whatever parts of the Sunday Times I didn't read over breakfast I'd finish sprawled out in bed, sections of the paper scattered on the floor without a care.
That was my weekend routine when I first moved here five years ago. Five years! My life has changed so much in that time, yet I haven't. Stuck in the same spot, even the simple, comforting routines I once devised for myself have dribbled away. In their place...what? Where is my comfort now?
Perhaps with Katie? Ah, but...relationships have a way of blowing up in my face. I thought I was ready to shed the old and find a new way of living when I met Tabbatha, but that didn't happen. Is there new hope in a new person, or old pain waiting to return?
Besides, that's not fair to Katie, or anyone I might know. It's not another person's job to make me happy, to help me feel at ease in the world. Only I can do that. Perhaps next Sunday. Perhaps another early morning walk, and permission given to myself to take the time to just relax and enjoy it.
