Back when I used to write a column for a semi-scrappy alternative weekly, my friend Howard made me promise I'd never write the obligatory "columnist is stuck for an idea, so writes about having no idea" piece.
Sadly, that day has arrived.
Ordinarily, I'd just go to YouTube and bring you a clip of Marshall Crenshaw or something, but even then, I'd try to write something around it, put it in some sort of context, make with the funny asides, whatever. And hey, trust me, I'll return to that fallback move soon enough, but I just did that sort of thing two days ago, and I feel like I should be bringing you some sort of original content...but I got nothin'.
Usually, when desperation strikes, I can count on reading something in The New York Times to sufficiently amuse me or piss me off, and spin something out of that, but this time, no. Yeah, the pope's mass in NYC nearly prompted a "At least something inspiring is finally happening in Yankee Stadium" bit, but I'm sure many people have already done similar bits, and honestly, I have no feelings about the pope one way or the other. And, if their pitching doesn't improve, I may soon have similar feelings about the Yankees.
Say, that last bit seemed odd, didn't it? Snotty, disappointed asides about the Yankees are starting to become as common around here as Star Wars references. I haven't riffed on James Bond or railed against The Decider lately, but this is something like my fourth dispirited comment on the Yankees in a week. Seriously, I'm only a casual baseball fan (though I admit I have The Times' Bats blog bookmarked, which...sad), but damn--Really guys? A tough time against the Orioles?
So I could have made this post a Yankees rant, but I just don't have the energy or ambition necessary to research such a piece. And besides, couldn't you find a million similar screeds out there on the interweb, all of them written by people more knowledgeable than me? Of course you could. And you probably don't need to read anything more about my cats, or more whining about my romantic tribulations. Besides, I don't feel like writing about these things right now.
So we have this: a blank screen, waiting to be filled, facing down a paucity of ideas. Out of such conflict, no good can come. Unless you actually enjoy rambling, pointless wordage, in which case...You're welcome!
