According to the AP, Jerry Lewis has been cited for attempting to smuggle a gun onto an airplane!
Somehow, this doesn't surprise me. Longtime viewers of the Labor Day telethon know a yearly highlight is Lewis' mean-spirited verbal assaults on his staff. This story just seems to confirm the worst, conjuring a vision of the legendary comedian finally snapping and threatening a flight attendant. "What, you call this a gin and tonic?" he'd bellow, tossing the drink in her face, then slowly pressing the cold steel barrel of his .38 against her forehead. "Are you trying to poison me, lady? Who taught you to mix a drink, Eva Braun?" While fellow passengers stared in mute shock, Lewis would scream, "Kidding! Kidding! Don't you people recognize a joke?" As everyone laughed, he would kiss the flight attendant's hand, then whisper into her ear, "Seriously, I could kill you without even thinking about it, bitch." He'd then holster the gun, pop in some buck teeth and do a spaz dance.
In actuality, Lewis' manager claims it was just a hollowed-out prop gun Jerry's been known to twirl during his shows. You might think the sight of an 82-year-old tottering around the stage twirling a gun would be kind of pathetic, and you'd be right, but as someone who's actually seen Lewis perform live, trust me: it would actually be one of the highlights of the show. Anything that keeps him from launching into a maudlin reminiscence of Totie Fields is a good thing.
