Road construction forced me to take an alternate route home from work yesterday, so I wound up briefly on Ninth Street, and I found myself thinking I hadn't been on that street since I used to cut across it on my way to Katie's.
Which was one of the few times I'd thought of her since we broke up.
I don't mean to sound harsh; I'm genuinely confused as to why I feel this way--or more accurately, why I don't feel. Katie and I were only together for a few months, but during that time, we saw each other on a nearly daily basis. There ought to be trace elements of regret, sorrow, fleeting visions of good times shared, something, anything. Instead, there's...What? Barely a thought.
Somehow she's just receded, become a vague memory, like a movie I barely remember, just another woman among the many I've known, nothing special, nothing distinctive. She doesn't deserve that, because she was a genuinely good person, and I really did care about her.
Maybe a firm break with a lack of regret is a necessary part of the process of breaking up. Maybe such a casual dismissal is the best way to let something go, like scattering ashes to the winds. Maybe Katie never thinks of me.
But the thing is, I'm not like that. I obsess over everything, I second-guess my every action. For me to just shrug and move on is so out of character. Am I just being a heartless bastard, or have I finally learned how to deal with my pain?
