Wednesday, July 02, 2008

SPANNING THE GLOBE

1) "Spanning the globe" is, of course, a reference to the old Wide World Of Sports intro. This is another damned Random Thoughts post, and I used the phrase because it seemed vaguely all-inclusive, as though we'll be touring the planet's foibles, Mondo Cane-style. In fact, most likely we won't leave the US borders, and I'll spend more of this whining about my (non-existent) love life and rambling on about my cats. But hey, you never know.

2) Speaking of that Wide World Of Sports narration, turns out it was written by Stanley Ralph Ross. I was familiar with Ross' name as That Guy Who Wrote Every Other Episode Of Batman and All In The Family, but it turns out he was also a songwriter and voice-over actor. Also, an ordained minister, who oversaw Burt Ward's wedding. (Thanks, Wikipedia!)

Which reminds me of a profile of Johnny Depp I read long ago, in which he mentioned he'd paid some mail-order company to ordain John Waters as a minister, just so Waters could preside over Depp's marriage to Winona Ryder! Do I have too much useless trivia floating around in my head, or what?

3) Members of the McCain and Obama camps are trading predictably unenlightening barbs back and forth. McCain's military service has been inflated! Obama isn't patriotic enough!

Guys? Seriously, nobody cares. The collapse of the housing market continues to have repercussions in every facet of the economy. Job losses are predicted to continue well into next year. Gas prices are so high people can't afford vacations. Young men and women continue to die in Iraq. These are problems Americans wrestle with every day, and we'd like to hear them addressed in some meaningful way.

4) Of course, Obama has already made a proposal to deal with some social issues: Faith-based initiatives! He wants to give federal money to religious groups to help promote anti-poverty programs.

Wait, wait, wait...Didn't Our Current Beloved President suggest the same thing? And wasn't he crucified (metaphorically speaking) for mixing church and state? And aren't many of the same people who criticized Bush fully on board with anything Team Obama says? Does anybody smell hypocrisy?

5) Speaking of Our Beloved President, it turns out interrogators at his beloved Gitmo have been instructing torture--I'm sorry, I meant to say "interrogation"--techniques based on a model devised by Chinese communists to pry info from Americans.

In other words--in a predictable, obviously telegraphed twist worthy of M. Night Shamalamadingdong--we have turned into out most despised enemy. Surprise!

6) Hey, that last bit actually sort of fulfilled the whole "spanning the globe" mandate!

7) Spellcheck flags the words "mondo", "Depp" and "Obama". Think they need to update?

8) The latest controversy among internet fanboys is whether or not Beverly Hills Cop 4 will be rated PG or R. Why such a creatively bankrupt enterprise is being foisted upon the public is apparently not a fit topic for discussion.

9) No mention of my (non-existent) love life or the cats. Or even Star Wars. You're welcome!