Friday, July 04, 2008

STILLBORN ON THE FOURTH OF JULY

Hey, unexpectedly I actually have plans for the day--Tabbatha had a flat tire on her car, so I took her and Paul to a parade, and there's more stuff to come later. I'd planned to pretty much do nothing today, which would have left time for actual, you know, writing, instead of...this.

But since bad music seems to have become the rule of the day around here, let's bust out some crap, shall we? Did you know The Captain And Tennille had a regular variety show in the seventies? I barely remember it, and I usually watched crap like that. (Even as a pre-teen, I had an overdeveloped sense of irony.) Anyway, here's Toni with special guest, Vinnie Barbarino!



Many, many stars of seventies TV had inexplicable singing careers. David Soul, for instance.



Wow, that one actually hurt! A sensible person would quit before the pain becomes unbearable...but who ever said I was sensible? Here's that singin' and dancin' dynamo, Liv Ullman, with a little number from the disastrous 1973 musical Lost Horizon. The parody in Mad magazine (Least Horizon) featured the spoof lyrics "The world is a rhombus/ Without a circumference/ And nobody knows what this simile means," which are at least as good as what actually made it into the movie. Oh, and enjoy the What's-he-doing-here? cameo from seventies TV game show mainstay Bobby Van.



Sad thing is, I could go on...Cheryl Ladd with a Beatles cover, The Brady Bunch camping it up with Rip Taylor, Lynda Carter with the Jackson 5 (which ought to be a song number, but turns out to be a comedy skit, which is even worse). But let's wrap this up with what may be the worst song ever written ("Kinda dumb and kinda smart"...Whaa?), perfectly matched by its ick-tastic performance. Ladies and gentlemen, Bobby Goldsboro with Honey.